Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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