if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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