He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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