She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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