After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
