He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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