im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
