I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
