I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize