Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Where did you get a picture of my penis
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
