words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
