Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
