My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
