no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
