I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
