you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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