the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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