Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
