I didn't shave. On purpose
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
