They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
