six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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