Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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