I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
