Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
