I'm going to jail i love you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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