I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
