Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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