Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
