pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
