I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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