Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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