need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
