The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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