I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize