is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
