I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
