and you said cock pushups were impossible
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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