I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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