I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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