Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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