Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
