This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
nutella sex= disaster
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
