so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
