when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize