so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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