i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
