im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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