last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize