I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is my gift to your gina
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
