Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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