i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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