Little spoons don't ask big questions
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
