OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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