Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
