I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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