do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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