If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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