is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
