We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
