Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
