I'm gonna have a badass scar
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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