i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
