If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
