Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
