even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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