its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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