You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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