wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
