Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize