Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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