if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
