I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
