I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
